the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
