I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
