I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
