He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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