false alarm. still invincible.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
