an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
