I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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