you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
