so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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