Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
