Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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