He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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