I can't watch pbs sober anymore
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
