$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Drunk is a universal language darling
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
