if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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