I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
