True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
