recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That was before I lit my hair on fire
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
