These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
