I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
