Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
