my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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