Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
