You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
