so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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