Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
