lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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