Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
