I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
