shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
