you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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