I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
