Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
