Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize