Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
