it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
