Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
