I hate your face
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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