I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
