i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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