I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
