But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
