I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm really into asian looking animals
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I did not marry a roomba.
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