I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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