i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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