i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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