i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize