my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
