i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
