I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
