My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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