i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
