Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
