There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Operation Purity has been aborted
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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