sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
