i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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