ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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