Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Randomize
