i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Acid is not a monday night drug
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
