I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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