How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he had hair everywhere except his balls
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
