either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
