you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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