Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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