I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
