How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
