yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
