Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize