He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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