Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize