Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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