I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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